DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
