Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
