Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
