He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
