I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
