i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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