even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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