We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
