The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
