Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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