I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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