Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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