Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
