I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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