i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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