Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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