Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
