I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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