btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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