We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
