More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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