So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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