You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
