fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
