your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
