If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
