Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
