I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
