The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize