I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sponge bath it is.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
