i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
