I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
