Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
