i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
