i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
