clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
