I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
