The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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