I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize