hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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