Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you had me at cake vodka
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
