before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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