your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
