she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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