Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
