Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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