There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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