real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
