just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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