i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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