Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
