$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
