how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
