I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
