it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
