Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
