What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
