When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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