if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize