i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
