so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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