I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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