its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
