i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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