So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
