i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
