HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
