so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
