Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
