So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
