So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
