I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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