talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
