I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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