I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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