I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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