Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
