I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
