...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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