Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
