PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
