Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize