she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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