im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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